Agonizing Sin
by Angel LeeAnn
Summary: Logan confesses to a horrendous mistake that he fears Marie will never be able to forgive.
1. Left Unwanted

Title: Agonizing Sin

Author: Angel LeeAnn

Rating: PG-13 (just to be safe)

Summary: Logan makes a horrendous mistake that he fears Marie will never be able to forgive.

Disclaimer: If they belonged to me then I would be rich.

**NOTES**: I know, I know. I only have two months left before I'm gone, but I couldn't get this out of my head. It was begging to be written. This'll probably end up being a one-shot deal.

-----

Wolverine was a soldier. Cage-fighter. Loner. He didn't need anyone. He didn't feel compelled to cling to other people. He was aloof and gruff with a constant cigar clenched between his teeth; and his eyes narrowed sharply in suspicion and distrust. He held back the deeper emotions and only allowed the world to see his fury and strength. He was a man who hated to show weakness. Tonight, though, one would have never believed that this powerful Wolverine was the same man as the one collapsed on his knees by the bed.

He was crying.

Logan was kneeling on the floor at her feet, his pleading, sorrowful eyes gazing at her through his guilt and anguish. She stared at him expressionlessly…uncaring…She didn't want these tears of his. She didn't want his regret or his self-loathing. She didn't want even the memory of his smile.

He shakily reached up a hand and she flinched, her scathing glare tearing into his flesh. Just the thought of him touching her was revolting. If possible, he crumpled even more and she found a sick pleasure in his misery. Yet, his suffering was dull compared to the utter torture his stabbing words had caused to her now dying heart. She felt robbed of her right to scream and rant, but her silence was hurting him more than any outburst could. So she remained silent.

"I'm," his broken voice cracked and she simply glowered at him harder. "I…I am so…sorry, Marie." He bowed his head in shame, his breaths trembling out from his quivering lips. "I…I wish I could…I…" he peered back up at her, searching for some sign of warmth…some flickering of the love that used to shine brightly in her eyes.

"You can't," she seethed.

He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back the new wave of fresh tears. "I know," he murmured wretchedly. "I know."

Marie abruptly stood up; knocking him over as she brushed stiffly passed him. She gazed out into the foggy night sky. The moon, once so enchanting, now looked isolated among all the stars. "I can't forgive you." She turned, her empty eyes staring blankly at his dejected self still sitting on the floor. "I don't want to forgive you," she hissed, contempt dripping from every word.

"Marie…I…"

"I hate you," she growled, barely above a whisper.

And in that instant, Logan knew he had lost her forever. Defeated, he crawled to his feet, keeping his eyes downcast as he shuffled from the room. At the door, he took one final look at her and was stung by the pure abhorrence pouring out of her. "I love you," he quietly said before closing the door, and shutting himself out of her life.

-----

Ending Notes: A little bit more on the angst side than what I usual write. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.


	2. His Sin

The light mist of arctic rain pattering ever so softly against his forlorn body, Logan lit his cigar and sucked on it greedily. Not for the first time in his lonesome life, he was angry at the little stick of poison. Why couldn't it damage his lungs and steal his life away like it did to so many others? Would his healing factor ever allow him to whither away and die? Would he ever feel mortality capture his last breath?

Logan sighed, puffing more urgently. He sniffed, shrugging his shoulders so that his leather jacket would tighten around him. He wasn't necessarily freezing, but the bitter, crisp wind found its way underneath his skin. He relished on the chill, comforted by knowing that he hadn't gone numb…that he could still feel. Not that he needed the snow to remind him of the piercing ache in his chest.

Softly falling footsteps behind him tore his eyes away from the frost-covered gardens. His nose told him who it was before his eyes even had the chance to soak her in. Unsure of what to say, he dropped his gaze to the stone flowerpot by his feet. Taking another drag, he shifted his weight, growing uneasy under her penetrating stare.

"Why," she whispered; all traces of hostility gone. Instead, the word was unnervingly empty.

Logan snubbed his cigar out with the steel-toe of his crocodile-skinned boot before braving a hauntingly solemn look her way. "There are no excuses, Marie," he murmured, afraid that speaking any louder would cause her phantom to disappear. "And I won't pretend there is one."

Marie nodded, stepping slightly closer. The moonlight grazed her face, showing how pale and exhausted she had become in the last two hours. "There is no excuse, but there is a reason. Why did you do it?"

"She was there," he admitted.

"What about me," she accused, still without anger. "Did you think of me at all?"

"God, Marie, I know I screwed up. I won't cover up…or give you a sob story…I fucked up big time."

Marie bit her lower lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. "You betrayed me, Logan."

"I know. If I could take it back, I would."

Marie wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to fight back the shivers that ran through her blood. "How could you do it, Logan? How could you throw away our marriage for one lousy night of sex? Do I mean that little to you? Were our wedding vows just something for you to spit on?"

Logan sighed, his shoulders slumping further. "You're everything to me, Marie. Everything."

"Obviously not everything. You sacrificed me for sexual pleasure. Do you have any idea how degrading that makes me feel? How unbearably pathetic that is?" She gritted her teeth, finally showing a spark of fury. "No, of course you don't. You have no idea how foolish I feel."

He titled his head, perplexed. "Marie, you did nothing wrong. This was all my doing. I did this to us."

"I know, but," she tapped her chest right above her heart. "All of this makes me feel so…responsible. I never should've let this happen. We never should've gotten married. Deep down, I knew you would be unfaithful. Marrying me was swearing off sex forever. If only I had control over my skin…"

"Don't," he interrupted. "Don't do that, Marie. You're not to blame. We both knew what our marriage would entail, but we went for it. I swore to be faithful, but I broke that promise. It's not your fault you can't touch. And it's not your fault that I slept with that woman."

"I know, but I can't help but feel inadequate as a woman." She wiped away a few escaped tears. "Do you know how often I dreamed of making love with you? Do you have any idea how badly I want to touch you. I would sit in the bathroom and cry, cursing my deadly skin and how it kept us apart."

"Marie," his voice was panged. "I…"

"No," she restrained. "Don't. Just don't. It doesn't matter. None of it does anymore." She began to walk back into the mansion, but paused in the doorway. "You know what I want?"

Logan shrugged, terrified of what she had to say.

"A divorce."

And with that, she vanished into the mansion, leaving Logan barely able to breathe as her words slammed into his gut. How was he going to live without her?


	3. Vanish

**NOTES**: What can I say? The musing just kept bugging me. I tell them to shut up, but they are so rebellious.

-----

He felt the accusing stares of his teammate boring into him and he couldn't help but feel like he was being judged and chastised. A bug being scrutinized under a microscope: every flaw being magnified. It was without a doubt a unanimous jury. They were all sentencing him to the gas chamber.

Logan couldn't make eye contact with any of them, knowing the disapproval and disappointment he would find. Deep down he knew that they didn't know. Neither he nor Marie had told anyone about his infidelity. Yet his own guilty conscious was playing tricks on him, making him believe that everyone knew his unforgivable sin. So, instead, he kept his focus on his precious boots, but was excruciatingly sensitive to Marie's presence. He could sense her every subtle move. Every breath, every blink, and every twitch of her nervous fingers were an anguished reminder of what he had lost.

Stealing a discrete glance her way, Logan's eye caught on a sparkle. He gaped at her left hand, stunned to see her still wearing her rings. Was she even aware? Or was it simply out of habit? He knew she had to have removed them. She never wore them in the shower. So when she climbed out of the tub, dripping wet as she wrapped a terrycloth towel around her slender body, did she instinctively grab for her rings?

Logan twisted his own wedding band around his finger, acutely aware of the platinum silver and everything it represented. Last night, laying on the couch in the game room, he had held his ring, contemplating its lack of power. He had always assumed the little trinket would be like an invisible shield, guarding him from crawling into another's bed. God he had been so wrong.

The meeting broke up, but Logan remained motionless. The others filed out of the room. Marie was the last to vanish out into the hallway, only briefly – impulsively – glancing back at him. Logan closed his eyes, wrangling back the image of her grief-stricken face. After she filtered out, Logan opened his eyes; the amber hazel orbs glistening with tears.

Xavier wheeled himself over. He remained silent, waiting for Logan to gather himself.

"Professor…I need to go," Logan muttered.

Xavier nodded. It had been what he had expected. Out of respect, he never entered the minds of his X-men without their permission (unless they were in danger), but the emotions raging inside Logan and Marie had kept him up last night. Their forces were so intense and he'd intuited what had transpired. He was completely distressed by Logan's treachery…and felt Marie's heartache so fiercely is was as though it were his own.

"I know, Logan. But don't forget that you can always come home."

Logan shook his head, shifting his weight. "No. I can't. This isn't home anymore."

The battered X-man staggered out of the room. As though he were nothing more than a ghost, he wandered up to the bedroom he had once shared for three years with his wife. Quietly, swiftly, he packed a few of his things into his worn military bag. He took a picture of them off the nightstand. It was a photo of them at their wedding, all smiles and so happy. He delicately placed it between a couple of his shirts, hoping they would protect it from shattering. He then went to take off his ring, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He needed his ring. It would be a constant, solid remembrance of his failure.

Trekking down the stairs, he bumped into Marie. She glanced down at his duffle bag and took a shuddering breath. She raised her eyes up to his, holding his gaze, memorizing every swirl of color…every line and shape. Then she stepped aside, looking away as he faded away from her life.

-----

**AnimeChick**: Yep, he's a total bastard. Affairs are one of the worst things a spouse can do to the other. Grrr…Glad I was able to quench the little curious beast.

**Nikki**: No, no…we don't know who Logan screwed. It's ok. You didn't miss anything. Anyway, I have no clue who Lauri from _The Rasmus_ is. So, I couldn't tell you about the album. Sorry.

**DarkRoses**: Thanks for the good wishes. And no, I won't disappear forever. I'll be back next June. However, I may get a few chances to post things here and there. I do get a Christmas and Spring Break. Anyway, I've been meaning to ask you, what does 'l83r' mean?

**TpolTucker**: I hope so, too. I'll probably be able to post every once in a blue moon, but I can't make promises.

**Blix**: You can keep pretending. It may keep you from going crazy.

**Gimpy**: Chp1: You always have such profound and aspiring reviews. I appreciate them very much. Anyway, I'm glad you like my angst writing. I've done a bit of it before, but never this deeply. Thanks for the vote in confidence! Chp2: Well, you're wish (this time) is my command. Haha. I was honestly intending this to be only a one-shot, but I'm starting to get carried with it.

**Jackia**: I know he is a tough-ass, but I think any man that remorseful would cry. So, I'm glad you approve! Thanks for the review!


	4. Home Bitter Home

Author's Note: Well, if you've gotten this far then I think it's safe to say that you like Angst stories. Out of a personal request, I recommend you skipping over to _It's Up to the Others_ by The-Princess-06. It's her first X-men story and the author needs a little push. So, go ahead. It won't kill you. I promise. _Laughs_

-----

The rumbling hiss of his bike thundered down the wet, slick pavement as he tore through the streets of the leaf-infested back roads. Even after five estranged years, he could drive to the mansion blindfolded. He roared through the gates, coming to a dangerous, skidding stop. The smell of burnt rubber stung his nostrils, reminding him of the car chase he'd been involved in three years ago. After dismounting the bike, he marched up the cement steps. Pulling out a cigar more from habit than nervousness, he burst inside.

Everything was how he'd left it. He found a slight comfort in this trivial fact as he strolled down the sunlit hallway into Xavier's office. Slipping inside, his harsh demeanor faded into a gentle reverence. Timidly – as though afraid of disturbing the chilling peace – he ran his hand along the Professor's cherry oak desk, disbelief turning into sorrow.

He jolted his hand back as the door clicked open. He peered back, relieved to see a familiar – even if stern – face. "Scott," he greeted gruffly.

Scott approached him stiffly, his face grimly set. If it were possible to see his eyes behind his claret visors, one would've found his stare almost hostile. "I'm glad you came. Charles would want you here."

Logan cleared his throat, swallowing the embarrassing lump. "Funeral today?"

"Tomorrow."

Logan nodded, accepting the inevitable. He'd hoped the services would be today. He didn't want to spend the extra time in the mansion. It was stifling, suffocating him with a rush of memories he had blocked out in the thousands of liquor bottles and smoky taverns. "Guest rooms still open?"

"Yeah." There was a stressed pause as Scott seemingly struggled with some inner dilemma. Finally, he gave in and stated blankly: "Rogue's fine. I don't know what Charles has told you. I know you two kept in touch every couple months. But…she's fine."

Logan had secretly been curious about his wife, but hadn't wanted to probe the sensitive subject himself. "Good," he muttered around his cigar, having no clue what Scott was talking about. "She married?"

Scott looked unbelievably uncomfortable, reminding Logan of a little boy under investigation for stealing candy. Just by his reaction alone, Logan knew the dreadful answer, but Scott voiced his conviction: "Yeah."

"Who?" Logan wasn't sure he really wanted to know, but the inquisitiveness had been eating away at him for years, tormenting him with the two likely possibilities. He half hoped she had moved on, marrying someone who was faithful and adoring. Someone who cherished her the way he had only been able to dream of doing. Yet, the other half of him ostracized the idea of her with someone else. Even after all these years, he still loved her and wanted to be hers.

A woman came gliding in; her burgundy, curly hair clipped back, a few wisps falling around the curves of her pale, porcelain face. It was obvious she had come in search of Scott for her eyes had immediately fell on him with her perfect, soft lips parted as though about to speak. Yet, she'd shifted her gaze, her emerald eyes falling on the intruder and she gasped: "Oh my God."

Logan stared at her, stunned but dismayed by her beauty. Her hair was colored and styled differently, but the white streak was still evident. "Hey, Marie. How you've been, darlin'?" His term of endearment had slipped out as naturally as his swearing.

"Logan," she whispered, flooded by all the emotions she had locked away all those years ago. He didn't look a day older, but he was more worn down. The exhaustion on his face was the most obvious feature. Yet, he was still rugged and sexy, his trademark sideburns still in place. Despite herself, she felt the twinge of her old desire swirl in her stomach. And she loathed it. "I'm fine," she answered crisply, mentally distancing her self. She didn't need this. She didn't need him riding back in and slashing down the walls she'd so carefully built.

With the lack of anything else to say, Logan gestured toward her head with the butt of his cigar. "You dyed your hair."

"No," she snarled. "I didn't."

"But," his eyes flicked over to Scott and then back. "That's not your…"

"It is now. What are you doing here, Wolverine?"

For a moment, Logan forgot how to speak. The name 'Wolverine' sounded so foreign rolling off her tongue. She'd never called him that. "I heard about Xavier."

"Mmm, the funeral's tomorrow at one. Does that give you enough time?"

"Enough time for what?"

"To get laid."

Logan choked on the acid air he'd just inhaled from his cigar. He had not been expecting that. "Damn, Marie," he whizzed. He glanced at Scott who held up his hands, offering Logan to the wolves as he backed out of the room.

"Well? Is she at the motel waiting for you to fuck her brains out? I bet she likes it real fast and hard. Just how hard do you fuck her, Wolverine? Does she give you what you want? Does she…"

"Stop it," Logan hollered, slamming his iron fist on top of the desk. "Stop it, Marie! There is no woman waiting for me _anywhere_. I know you're still mad at me. And I deserve all the insults you have to say, but damn it, now isn't the time! A man is dead!"

"When will be the time," she shrieked, passion igniting her eyes. "You left and I never heard a thing for five fucking years! When will I get the chance to rant and rave? God damn it, you fucking cheated on me, you asshole! And then you fled like a coward!"

Chastised, Logan whispered, desperate for understanding that he knew he wouldn't get: "Marie, I…"

"Rogue," she hissed, her eyes flaming an icy blue. "My name is Rogue."

Logan narrowed his eyes, peering into hers, puzzled and worried. "Your eyes," he murmured, astounded. How had her eyes changed from jade to cerulean? "What happened to you, Marie?" What had Charles kept from him?

She barked a sour laugh, one that actually frightened him. It was so bitter…sinister almost. "Fuck you, Wolverine."

"Marie," he tried to reason. "If I…"

"Rogue," she screamed. "Don't you _ever_ call me Marie. _Ever_!"

Logan was too shell-shocked to speak. He stared at her blankly, his cigar long ago forgotten, trying to comprehend the stranger before him. This fiery, blue-eyed, redhead wasn't the woman he'd left behind. "Rogue," he started, but didn't know where to go from there.

"My husband is waiting for me," she said simply (relishing when he cringed at the word 'husband'); all traces of hostility gone as her eyes faded back into their natural green. "Why don't you join us for dinner?" It was more of a demand than a polite request.

"Does he treat you good?"

"Better than you ever did," she retorted, stinging him.

"Who is he?"

"Someone who is undeniably faithful."

"Cut the shit. Who is it?"

"Scott," she said, smiling smugly before walking out.

-----

**AnimeChick**: Ok: it's not the ending. _big smile_

**Base**: Well, this story should please you then. It is definitely not a sappy-shippy-mushy-friendly story.

**Cassandra**: _Laughs_ Why, chica, they don't always end tragically. Let me see…there's _Cradle My Heart_. That's a Shippy Rogan story where their love doesn't meet a tragic end. And there's…uh…well…mmm…Maybe I should write more stories. Haha.

**Butterfingers**: Aw, there, there, don't cry. Maybe they'll work through it.

**The-Princess**: Check up top, chica. _winks_

**Renaissance Wench**: Well, I was planning on rubbing his face in it. I'm glad we think alike. Haha.

**DarkRoses**: Thank you. I love details, but I agree that some authors do tend to spend an entire chapter describing what their characters look like. And I've got just under two months, so hopefully I can at least get a good start on this story (if not finish it).

**Fallen-Angel**: Was this what you considered a short wait or a long wait? Anyway, thanks for the compliment and for the review.

**Blix**: You're right. You're completely, utterly, insanely loony. As for Logan, yeah, he took the easy way out: leaving.

**Crimson Lipstick**: I'll go back and answer those questions of yours. Maybe I'll do a flashback scene or something. Anyway, I don't really see Logan cheating on Rogue either. He is too loyal to her. But, hey, what's more painful than your spouse having an affair?

**Veronica**: You're so damn right! From the beginning, I wanted to torment Logan that way. See? Great minds really do think alike. Haha.

**Gimpy**: Ah, my dear friend. Whenever I see your name on top of a review, I just know I'll be reading something profound. You always have such in-depth questions and inquiring line of thoughts. I appreciate them very much. Yet, you really flatter me too much by giving me credit I truly don't deserve. Anyway, his motives will slowly emerge through the wreckage. Thanks for spending time reading – once again – one of my stories. Take care.

**Vegeta**: Will they…or won't they? Mmm…the possibilities are endless. _teasing smirk_

**Wapps**: It's ok. It's not as though I expect you to show up for every one! Haha. Anyway, I'm glad you approve. You've kind of become one of my…uh…"regulars" so to speak, so I especially look to you guys to make sure I'm doing ok. So, thanks for the input!


	5. Her Mystery

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He prowled the darkened hallways, sniffing the air as though the very act would bring about some danger.  He craved the open road and his sleek, new bike (his old one had been sacrificed during a fight – used to bring down his opponent).  He was still reeling with the shock of Rogue's punch-in-the-gut confession, unable to grasp the image of his wife with the stiff Cyclops.

_Stiff.  Yeah, I'd like to see him stiff…and cold…six feet under_…Logan shook his head, chasing away the brutal flashes of his metal claws buried in Scott's chest.  He couldn't hate the man simply because he had married Rogue.  It wasn't as though Scott had stolen his beloved from beneath him.  It was he, after all, who had left her…vulnerable and livid.  As much as it tore him apart, he had been the one who had practically gift wrapped her and handed her away; he had done so by leaving.  Leaving her to drown in her swelling hatred and bitterness.

He was egotistical enough to first jump to the appealing conclusion that Rogue had married Scott out of some perverse need to seek vengeance.  She did it to torment him…to get back at the memory of his betrayal.  Yet, Logan wasn't foolish enough to fall into that pleasing, comfortable trap.  He knew why she married Scott.  Scott was loyal.  Scott was secure.  Scott was someone other than him.

Logan finally surrendered to his defeat, making his way down to the patio in order to eat dinner with his wife…_Ex-wife, you idiot.  She's no longer yours…_and her new husband.  Or was he her new husband?  How long had Rogue waited before handing out her shattered heart?  Years?  Months?  Weeks?  Agonizing over the newest questions that plagued him, Logan trekked outside.

Scott and Rogue were already present, standing by the thick, stone railing.  Rogue's hair cast rays of golden red in the setting sun.  Her eyes were gleaming in that eerily deep-icy blue, but this time they weren't wrung with distain, but instead gazing up at Cyclops with affection.  Her husband's hand covered hers, which was resting on the rail.  Logan stared at their subtle touch, amazed that her mutation wasn't draining the life out of Cyclops.  They appeared to be in a serious discussion, murmuring.  Logan, thankful at the moment for his sharp hearing, was able to discern their whisperings.

"Rogue," Scott was soothing, "he doesn't have to stay long.  As soon as the funeral is over, he'll be gone."

_Maybe not asshole_, Logan thought acidly, once again immediately chastising himself.  It was no one's fault but his own that Rogue and Scott were now married.  And Logan couldn't blame Scott for feeling the way he did.  If the shoes were reversed, Logan would've wanted him gone, too.

"I know, sugar.  I just…I wish he hadn't come at all.  The nerve of that bastard to show up after…"

Scott caressed her wrist.  "Honey, you would be just as upset if he _didn't_ come."

"What do you mean?"

Scott wrapped his other arm around her, pulling her gently to him.  "If he hadn't showed up for Xavier's funeral then you would be angry over that.  Face it, Red: you want any excuse to lash out at him."

Rogue bowed her head, silently admitting her ambition to eschew her ex-husband no matter the circumstance.  "I know, but…," she growled in frustration, slamming her free hand into the concrete.  "I hate him so much!  How could he…how could he…god, I wish _he_ was the one who'd died."

It wasn't her words that left Logan feeling frigid inside (he had expected nothing less from her lips).  His eyes were latched onto her fist, which was still pressed against the railing: the railing that was now cracked in a spider-web spiral around her hand.  Good Lord, where had such strength come from?  Not even Logan was able to smash through such dense concrete with a simple strike.

Scott brushed his fingers through her silky strains.  "Rogue…sweetheart, relax.  Everything's going to be ok.  Just…relax, baby.  You know what happens when you're anger gets the better of you."

"I know.  I know," she sighed, visibly slouching against his embrace.  "I'm sorry, sugar."

"Shh, Red.  No need to apologize.  I understand.  I really do."  He placed a comforting kiss upon her forehead, his mouth lingering for a moment before he pulled away.  It was at that moment the X-leader turned around, his ruby glasses shimmering in the dusky sunlight.

Though he couldn't see it, Logan could feel Scott's glare.  "Hey, One-eye," he grumbled.  "We gonna eat or what?"

Rogue whirled around, her strangely colored eyes flashing first in rage and then in a disturbing calmness.  "You were listening," she accused darkly.

"Don't flatter yourself, kid."

"Don't call me kid, Wolverine."  Her voice was uncannily quiet and full of menace, sounding slightly off-key from her self.  "Or you won't live to regret it."

Scott reached out, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.  "Careful, Red."  His head snapped over to Logan.  "Not that I would care about you," he snarled at the older man.  "But we wouldn't want any of the children to get hurt."

At the word 'children', Rogue sank back, her eyes falling away from her stormy blue to her birth-given green (the first they had been since coming outside).  "Let's just eat.  I'm starving."

The three sat around the patio furniture, Logan unable to remove his questioning gaze from her eyes.  How was she able to alter them?  He forced his attention away, peering over at the crack in the concrete.  What the hell was going on?

He had had every intention of leaving as soon as the services tomorrow were over, but now…now sensing something was horribly wrong, he planned to stay in order to dig deeper into the mystery of his wife.

-----

**DangerousMutant**:  I figured most people would assume Bobby.  Yet, that's not why I picked Scott.  I just think that her marrying Scott adds a whole new, twisted dimension to the story.

**Jackia**:  Well, Scott wasn't in the room, but you could probably just imagine what Logan's stunned face would've looked like.

**CassandraLee**:  "The first time"…haha.  Do thou doubt thine intentions? _innocent smile_  Anyway, nope, not Jean.

**Nikki**: Chp3:  You can be as mean as you want to him.  Just don't physically harm him.  He is, after all, still sexy.  As for The Rasmus, what genre are they?  I don't listen to Rap, Heavy Metal, or Metallic.  I generally stick to Country, Rock, some Pop, and Classical/Easy Listening.  Chp4:  I hate that pairing, too.  I see them being siblings more than anything else.  I'm sorry you read the chapters in the wrong order.

**Randirogue**:  Nope, not Jean.  Also, I'm not a fan of the Scott/Rogue pairing, but I thought it was fitting.

**Crimson Lipstick**:  Think you've got it, yet?  I wonder who pieced it together after this chapter. _evil cackle_

**Princess**:  Looking a bit more like Jean, but it definitely wasn't Jean who she absorbed.

**Blix**:  She's being rather harsh, but I would, too, if I were in her place.

**Lily**:  Haha.  You've got it.  She can control her mutation, which obviously means she's having sex, right?  Haha.

**Roguechere**:  I like to sneak in a few surprises here and there.  _big grin_  Glad you approve.

**Gimpy**:  He is a great guy and there may just be heartache up his alley.  I honestly don't know.  My fingers do the writing, not I.  With this chapter, have you figured out whom she absorbed?  I bet you have.  Furthermore, you're right that things – past and present – will slowly be revealed in due course.  I'm glad you like my writing.  I rather much enjoy yours, too.  I've been anxiously awaiting an update for _Three Degrees of Separation_.

**Luthien**:  Good thing you like angst, or you would absolutely hate this story.  Haha.

**Vegeta**:  Only time will tell, my friend.  (In other words, I have no freaking clue!)

**Cali Lover**:  Crying?  _winces sheepishly_  Sorry.  I didn't mean to do that.  Forgiven?

**TPolTucker**:  Sorry, not exactly 'unadulterated anger', but it is definitely festering.  Logan can't remain calm forever.

**Wapps**:  It was your birthday?  Why Happy Freaking-Belated Birthday! 

**Sapphireblue**:  Things will unfold as the story progresses.  Logan's moment of weakness was purely awful, but you'll learn more about it.  Did this chapter help you figure out whom she absorbed?

**Veronica**:  Jean's not in the picture.  This is a post-X2.  And in my world, Jean never returned as the Phoenix.  Also, don't worry I'll explain how Scott and Rogue came to be.

**Sparkling-Diva**:  You can retain normalcy?  That's a shock!  _smiles innocently_


	6. One Night

AUHTOR'S NOTE: I'm so sorry. I'll apologize ahead of time for this chapter. I don't care for SongFics (sorry to those who do and/or write them), so I never write them myself, but this fit too perfectly. Sorry. It's a short song. Am I forgiven?

-----

Logan lay in his bed, contemplating the strange world around him. He had the bedside alarm clock on, listening to the nearest Country station. Living out on the road, he'd grown accustomed to the songs about cheating husbands, heartbreakers, whiskey, and death. It was often the only receptions he could get to come in late at night in one of the countless seedy motels along the desert highway. And he had to listen to the music in order to drown out the empty silence. Not to mention, it was the typical mood music for taverns and bars all over the U.S., especially playing stuff from singers like Billy Ray Cyrus with his depressing songs like _Never Thought I'd Fall in Love With You_ and _I'm So Miserable_. Then of course there was Eric Heatherly with his damn _One Night_.

It was, in fact, the latter song that was currently streaming out of the small speaker. Logan growled, wanting to cover his ears and run screaming from the room, but he remained as solid and still as stone, taking in the words and banging himself with them.

---

_You said let there be light and the sun rose / You created the Earth and the stars in the sky / Well, you've parted the seas, and you make the trees grow / So please can you take back one night_

---

It fit so perfectly with Logan's own damnable mistake. And it sorely reminded him of that first night he'd left. He'd driven as far as he could go before pulling off at a roadside Inn. He'd experienced the lyrics of the song firsthand, dropping down onto his knees in the silent room and pleading with God to change just that one night. He didn't understand how such a powerful man couldn't afford to give Logan that one little miracle of taking back the night.

---

_One night I danced with temptation_

---

Logan cringed. How could he have even flirted with the disgusting notion of sleeping with that same temptation? No, he knew why, but now…now it didn't seem to matter to him.

---

_God on high / I'm down on my knees / Bring her back to me / I'll do anything / Oh, please won't you take back one night_

---

If only that were possible. He'd wanted Marie back so desperately that he'd collapsed onto the floor in fits of sobs, banging his fists into the worn carpet.

---

_I know I don't deserve her forgiveness / And I can't say I blame her for saying good-bye / 'Cause I traded a lifetime for a moment of weakness / Oh, please won't you take back one night_

---

If there was a lesser man in this world, he wanted to meet him. How could anyone have betrayed his wife like he did? There was no way Marie would ever forgive him. And he would never hold it against her. Not after he'd promised her eight years ago to always cherish her. To never forsake her for another. To love her beyond death.

Well, that last part was still true. It would always be true. Logan would forever love Marie.

Logan finally moved, getting off the bed, the floorboards making no protest as he stalked across them to his closet. Maybe he shouldn't stay. Scott and Rogue were obviously good for each other. As for Marie's strange behavior and evolved mutation…she didn't want him there. And whatever had happened, she seemed adjusted. Or, at least, she was until he came back into her life.

Logan began packing the bag he'd only fifteen minutes ago unpacked. And then stopped, a shirt still clenched in his hand. He couldn't leave. Not yet. Xavier's funeral was in less than twelve hours. Sighing, Logan tossed his bag down and stomped out into the hallway, hell bent on finding himself a beer.

-----

**Gimpy**: You're right about whom she absorbed. Bravo! Anyway, that's funny about you and your girl friend. My best friends and I used to do that _all the time_. I was labeled as Fox "Spooky" Mulder _for years_. It was because I was obsessed with the paranormal…and I was the only brunette. My friend, Meg, was obsessed with the paranormal, too, but she had red hair. So, she was nicknamed Dana Scully. So, occasionally, we would joke around, "playing" the characters when out in public or goofing off at home. It was hysterical! We even dressed up as Mulder and Scully one year for Halloween. Anyway, I'll try to be gentle on either Scott or Logan (whoever she dumps will be crushed). Yet, no promises. And, furthermore, don't sell yourself short. You're a great writer! Me? I do it purely out of boredom.

**Roguechere**: I think in my response in Cradle My Heart, I abbreviated your name to 'Rogue'. Yet, someone else is already 'Rogue'. So, if there are two 'Rogues' up there, sorry. You're the one with the longer reply.

**Jackia**: Nope, not Jean. And, yeah, I like Scott better than Bobby, too. It could just be that I always go for older men. No one in their teens or twenties does it for me (on or off the screen). Haha! Like you wanted to know that!

**Princess**: My servant? Wow. I never had a servant before! What _shall_ I do with you? How about you rob a bank for me, uh?

**Wapps**: Thanks! Are you from New England? I'm just curious because of the term 'wicked cool'. I had a friend from New England who always said that. And she always said 'ca'keys' instead of 'car keys'. It was pretty funny.****

**Blix**: Hey, you don't have to figure it out if you don't want to. At least you won't ruin the surprise for yourself, right?

**Abay**: No worries. He's figured it out because he saw them touching, but he doesn't know how or why she's able to control it.

**Jenny**: Thanks!

**Sammi**: Thanks!

**Base**: Rogue isn't acting this way simply because of his cheating. There are other things at work here. Things I haven't revealed, yet. So, please, just be a little more patient.

**Trunks**: Chp4: I don't want to give too much away, but there's a deeper reason behind Rogue's extreme mood than just his cheating, which would be – in my opinion – reason enough. Chp5: Yep. Give yourself a pat on the back!

**Snoob**: Rage fiest? Haha! I'll definitely be throwing one or two of them in here.

**Vegeta**: A really good burn, which is why I tossed it in there. I'm all about angst in this story.

**Sparkling**: Glad to hear I haven't lost you (at least not yet). It will be revealed! And soon.

**Commish**: Thank you for the confidence. And I'm usually a Rogan fan all the way, too.


	7. Two Souls

The silence of the milky stars was pierced by a shrill cry. Even from outside on the stone patio, Logan winced at the unmistakable pleasure in her scream. Nursing his fourth whiskey, he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his teeth. She'd never shrieked like that for him. He never gave her a reason to thrash on the sheets in ecstasy. They'd worked around her mutation the best they could, learning the creative art of alternate sex. Yet, his bare hands had never caressed the creamy skin beneath her satin nightgown. His lips had never tasted those secretive, seductive places of her body. He'd never slid between her legs.

He'd never done any of the things that Scott was doing to her now.

If he had known he had perched himself beneath their window, he would have instantly sought solitude elsewhere. Yet, it wasn't until his second bottle that he'd been sweetly assaulted by the smell of her arousal. It had been addictive. Had been until his sensitive ears twitched at the noises drifting down from the open window. Now he was sickened, the acid churning in his stomach at the image of another man making love to his wife.

Yet, just as he was gathering up his stuff to seek sanctuary in the tomb of the X-men lair, everything went still. He paused, listening intently, sighing with relief. They were finished.

He leaned back against the mansion's bricks, bringing the rim to his mouth.

"Logan," a voice gasped.

Logan's eyes darted over, jerking upward at her voice. "Rogue! I…how'd you…" His eyes narrowed, suspicious and confused. How had she gotten down here so fast, especially without him seeing her? The door was to his right. She was standing in one of Scott's long shirts to his left. There was no way she could've snuck passed him.

Rogue inhaled deeply, cleansing her mind. She had to be focused and calm if she were going to deal with this. She gingerly padded over, her bare feet whispering against the stone as she moved almost weightlessly. She sunk down beside him, tugging on the hem of the Oxford shirt, covering her thighs as best as possible. "You planning on showing up to the funeral smashed," she accused more darkly than she meant to.

"I can't get drunk. Not long enough anyway."

"Right. Rapid healing."

Logan stared at her, taking her all in, making his heart sore with the vision of her tranquil beauty. He brushed passed it, sweeping in for a deeper scrutiny. There were other differences than to just her hair and color-changing eyes. She was more solid, a stiff statue carrying the burden of her own soul as stoically as she could pretend to be. Yet, he saw beyond her strong persona, peering into her sacred abyss and feeling her misery radiating off her in waves. Something terrible had happened. Something that haunted her. Clung to her. Changed her.

It was then he was hit with the force of truth. He didn't know this woman. Astounded, he murmured: "Who are you?"

Rogue turned her gaze to his face, a faint smile gracing her lips. "Now you see," she spoke softly.

"See what," he inquired, mystified. "That you've changed? That you're no longer…you." He searched her jade eyes, hunting for clues. What he saw broke his heart. "Marie doesn't exist anymore, does she?"

"Not as you knew her. She's there, but…It's Rogue now. A blend of two."

"I don't understand. Who else is here?"

Rogue looked away, staring off into the darkness. "She'd held on too tightly."

Logan leaned forward, trying to capture her attention. "Tell me. Please."

"She fully absorbed another mutant, permanently stealing powers never meant to be hers. At first, she was unable to contain the power and she went crazy. That's when Scott entered our lives, taking care of us with such love and devotion. It was innocent at first, but…a bond wrapped around us and through my despair I found something to hang onto. I fell in love."

He was mildly disturbed by her constant change of "she", "us", and "I". It was though there really were two people creating a third and depending on when events occurred, changed whom the story belonged to. "Who fell in love with Scott? Marie? Or the one she absorbed? Or the mix of the two: Rogue?"

"Carol Danvers felt it first, but Marie, feeling safe and loved, slowly accepted it."

"Carol Danvers is the one she absorbed," Logan stated, gradually understanding. "So Marie was pushed aside. Carol took over. What then? Marie tried fighting back?"

"Yes. She did. For a little while. But then she accepted it. Just like she accepted Scott's love. So Carol and Marie coexist. Together, they are me: Rogue."

"Your eyes," Logan whispered, astonished. "It's why they change. When Carol's personality is overpowering, they change blue. When Marie steps forth, they're green. When both are content, they're sea green."

Rogue smiled. "Carol was a much more bitter person. Her violent anger is now apart of me."

"It's how you got your strength."

"Yes. And my ability to touch. I still have poisonous skin, but with Carol, I can touch."

Logan shook his head, everything she was telling him ringing honesty, but still so surreal. "Can one personality completely banish the other?"

"No. I'm usually an even blend. Sometimes one is more stronger, but none can fully take over this body. Carol tried at first, but thanks to Scott, she never succeeded. I owe him my life."

"And you love him."

"More than anything."

REVIWER RESPONSES

**Empathy**: How crazy did you get?

**Roguechere**: I've lost count to how many times I've been called evil. Hahaha!

**Trunks**: That's confidential information. Top Secret. Sorry. _rolls eyes at myself_

**Vegeta**: Ok then…you're wrong. Besides, silly, there isn't any beer at the school, remember? Yet, it was a very good guess. Anyone who has read _Cradle My Heart_ knows that the kitchen is _the_ spot to be.

**Princess**: Ok, I guess I'll take the praise verses the money. I suppose it'll do. Haha.

**Kam**: I was quite honestly shocked to receive this review. I did a double take on your name, thinking that I must've read it wrong. I never even knew you liked _X-men_! Anyway, thanks for stopping by. You know I love your writing to pieces!

**Sparkling**: To be honest, I do read Songfics sometimes. I just skip the lyrics. In fact, I read one of yours. I think it was called _It Could Have Been Me_. I loved it.

**Blix**: I love moody songs. I love up-beat ones, too, but sometimes I just need to listen to a good, depressing song. Know what I mean?

**Jaws**: Nope. No Jean in this story. And I didn't know about all that dead stuff. Interesting. I only watched the cartoons…never read any of the comics.

**Wapps**: Thanks for forgiving me! Oh, how would I have lived! Honestly, thanks. I know a lot of people – myself included – groan at Songfics.

**Gimpy**: I'm glad you aren't being entirely biased. I know that if Rogue decides to stay with Scott, then a lot of people will be upset. Yet, they aren't seeing the whole picture. Yes, Logan is sexy as hell and obviously extremely repentant, but he did cheat on her. And Scott does love her in this unique way (which I will get more into later). Anyway, I always look forward to your reviews. You're an intellectual sweetheart. (Does that even make sense?)

**Pink**: Did my homework? I'm confused!

**Cold Star**: You're right about whom Rogue absorbed. (Bravo!) You're wrong about who Logan slept with. (But good guess). In fact, to me, Jean is still gone. She won't even be in this story.

**Jackia**: Thanks! Sorry for the long wait.

**Sapphire**: Carol's eyes were green. Rogue's were blue. Yet…I prefer Rogue's eyes being naturally green. _hint, hint_ Anyway, if you don't like angst…then why are you reading this, silly?


	8. Truth

Over the course of the five-hour viewing session, over three thousand people stopped by to bid a farewell to the great leader who had spent his life trying to pave a peaceful pathway between mutants and humans. At six that evening, the doors were closed and only a selective, intimate number of mourners attended the memorial. Xavier was buried under a Weeping Willow tree on the edge of the gardens you could see from his office window. Through the service, Logan remained stoic; only the tight, quivering muscles of his temples relaying any emotion.

The day was warm, the sun bright, and the birds happily chirped in their nests. It seemed fitting that Xavier should be buried on such a beautiful day. He had been – after all – such an optimistic man who always looked for the good in others. Yet, the cheery spring day didn't match the moods of the grievers. They had lost their mentor. Friend. Father.

Following the service, the X-men trickled silently into Xavier's study. Logan, out of some deep seeded habit, followed. He was surprised to see a few new faces. When he had left, the X-men had consisted of only five, excluding himself. Now there were eight. They were all dressed in their black uniforms to honor the Professor. Everyone but Logan.

Wolverine felt out of place. He wasn't one of them anymore; hadn't been for five years. Bobby, who had been the newest member before Logan left, stood beside him, a cold fog pooling at his feet. Logan took a step to the side, bumping into a large, hairy man. The blue giant smiled down at him, but remained silent.

Everyone was watching Scott as the new leader gathered strength to speak. "I…I know this is a difficult time for everybody. I…I don't know how to fill his shoes. I certainly don't want to take Charles's place."

Rogue, dutifully standing at her husband's side, gave him a reassuring smile. "We know, Scott. We aren't asking you to, but we need someone to lead us. And you're the best man for the job. We've all agreed to that."

Kurt nodded solemnly. "Yes. We agreed."

Logan had managed to slink into the back, observing without participating as the others mumbled their agreements. Storm, Kurt, Scott, Rogue, and Bobby might as well of been strangers to him. He glanced around the room, soaking in the others. There was the blue man, a young woman he recognized as one of Rogue's friends, and a middle-aged man with scaly skin that shimmered in the light.

His eyes drifted blankly across their faces. At the same moment, Rogue glanced his way. Logan had mastered the art of Rogue's eyes and there was never a thing she could hide from him. Not his Marie, anyway. Held in their swirling green depths was a secret she tried even keeping from herself, but he hunted it out, searching her eyes until he found the painful truth: Marie still loved him.

Rogue saw the slightest shift in his face, almost unnoticeable, and she gasped, snapping her eyes away.

He knew.

RESPONSE TO REVIEWERS

**Roguechere**: What color? Now, that would be the question, wouldn't it! Haha. Anyway, can't have an angst story without some major depressing themes, right?

**Bodiless Pirate Fiend**: Maybe I should hold onto the matches.

**Trunksblue**: Figured it was time to explain things.

**Princess06**: I love Gollumn! He was my favorite character – next to Legolas, of course.

**Jupiterhime**: I hope a year isn't too soon. Sorry for the wait.

**Blix** **Howlett**: I must confess…I never read the comics. Eek! I grew up when X-men was a big cartoon hit. Not that that has anything to do with the Rogue/Carol merge. I did it that way to explain her marriage to Scott. I'm glad you like it.

**Saprkling-Diva**: Oh no! You've figured me out! Now I must torture you to death!

**Wapps921**: What school do you attend? I go to Arizona State University in Phoenix, but will be transferring to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff. Anyway, as always, I appreciate your review. You rock!

**Jackia**: Thank you very much. I felt it was the best way to explain why Marie was with Scott. Glad you approve.

**DevilsVamps**: How can you not want Logan? Scott is cool, but he's no Wolverine!

**Squishmich**: Ok. That's fine. Not everyone needs to like it, but could you tell me why? I can't improve on my writing with simple criticism. Try constructive criticism.

**Wakingbear**: Angst is great!


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